Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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