bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
