is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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