i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
