just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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