Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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