Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
