Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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