I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
