People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
