im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
