i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
