I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
