there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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