i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
