Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
