so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
