fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
