I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
worst night to have a conscience
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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