Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
