Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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