Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
