3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
