I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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