A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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