chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
