I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
