how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
