oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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