The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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