Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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