how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
