I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dick very happy bro
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
