Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
