Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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