i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
