What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
