be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
