So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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