Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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