puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
