some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
