I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
