he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
