Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
