You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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