Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
