he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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