Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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