I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
