I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
